[Satire] Sisolak donates salary, bumps up Nevada’s public school ranking to 49th


Governor Steve Sisolak announced that he had donated his salary of $25,872 to Nevada public schools on Monday, Sept. 28. Sisolak is making good with his promise to donate his entire salary during his four-year term.

In fact, Sisolak’s donation is so powerful that it single-handedly bumped up Nevada’s national public school ranking from 50th to 49th. 

Sisolak’s donation is more effective than any piece of legislation regarding school reform that has ever been passed, and the IQ of each student was immediately raised by five points. Average test scores and assignment scores instantly increased as well.

Each student’s grade point average is also immediately boosted to a 3.0, and student loans are all paid off. Dilapidated school campuses across the state are also instantly renovated.

“Well, what can I say?” Sisolak said. “It’s just the power of charity. The First Lady and I are pleased to do this for Nevada schools.”

Sisolak’s supernatural powers were in full effect when he pulverized a reporter who asked him about what he’s going to do about the high unemployment rate and the numerous hotel employee layoffs.

In a shocking move, Sisolak decided to abolish the Department of Employment, Training & Rehabilitation and he is instead rumored to donate his next salary to build a giant casino in the middle of the Clark County desert, with all the profits going to unemployed Nevadans.